My Date with Buds

Me and Buds

Sometimes as a Mom you find yourself bailing water furiously just to keep your head above water.

The laundry is way behind.

The dishes have piled up.

The house is destroyed - again.  (Didn't I just clean up the whole thing yesterday?  How do they dismantle all of my hard work so fast???)

Schoolwork needs to get done, the lawn needs to be mowed, grocery shopping needs to be done, and your kids actually need you in the middle of it.

And sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

My three children have three very different personalities.  Which can be challenging, but it is mostly just fun.  I get to interact with them differently, and my relationship with each of them is unique and special and precious to my heart.

Baby Girl is studious and sometimes silly.  She communicates well and often.She asks good questions and studies the world around her with great intensity.  She also lets me know what she needs.  "Mommy can we spend some time together" is a frequent request. And it is usually answered with "Absolutely!"

Bubba is my baby.  He is less than 2, and still nurses.  He needs me for lots of things.  Nourishment, comfort, a soft place to fall asleep, and reassurance that all is right in his world.  He also communicates strongly what his needs are, and I fulfill them joyfully.

Buds, well, he doesn't ask for much.  And when he does the answer is frequently no. "Can I have more cookies Mommy?"  His sister almost always gets to me first, so I tend to put him off a lot.  He is so laid back that he doesn't complain about being asked to go play while I do one more thing with Sissy, or put the baby to sleep.

And it occurred to me that I have trouble connecting with him.  I know what his favorite TV shows are, what his favorite toys are, and I tuck him in every night before bed.  But my adorable son, who's love langauge is Quality Time (I think) gets very little with me.

This realization hurt.  As a mother, the thing I want most is for my children's needs to be met, on every level.  I realize that Hubs and I are partners in this (and the two of them spend LOTS of time together) but Buds should get at least part of his love tank filled with Mommy love.

So I am on a mission. This summer I am going to make a habit of spending quality one on one time with Buds.  It doesn't have to be formal, or long, but there needs to be a part of each day where I give his needs priority.  Heaven knows I do that with the other two very often.

I started last week.  Friday night we went on a date.  Just me and him.  We ran an errand and then we went to the park.  His choice.  He even chose the park.  And it was so wonderful, just spending time with my little man.  He didn't ask me to slide down the slide, or climb with him. Just me being there, watching him do "tricks" and taking pictures was enough for him.

Doing Tricks

Fun At the Park

Such a Ham

Date Continued at Home

How simple is it really, for me to say "yes" to him? 

How hard is it to give him that little bit of myself, that takes the time to really watch him?

The answer is, its not.

It is easy to give my energy and time to him.  What is hard is realizing that he needs me to.  He can't ask, he doesn't know how.  But spending that time with him meant the world to him.  So I am determined.  I will learn to recognize when I am pushing his needs aside because he isn't my squeaky wheel.  I will learn to listen for what he cannot communicate.  I will be a better mom for him.  And I will enjoy every minute of it!

Moms, I want to encourage you!  Listen not just to what your child can say, but listen with your mother's heart for what they need.  They might surprise you!  And it is easy to give that time and that love to them, sometimes you just need to take a moment to see what it is they need.  So spend some time with your kids today.  Connect with them as individuals.  And don't worry if you don't know quite what to do.  Just reading a book with them one on one will feed their souls.  You won't regret investing in them!